I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I party with great urgency now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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