it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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