he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
