just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
