i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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