why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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