The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
