Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
