I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
