She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
