Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
