dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
