He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
