I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just high enough for therapy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
