I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pooping to opera.
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