I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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