grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
