he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
