at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't turn off my feet"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
