Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
