then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
