I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mom said you looked used
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
