Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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