It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
