i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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