we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
