hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
