I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
