Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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