ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
