Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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