yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
