Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
