she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
