The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dicks are not precious.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
