i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
