Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
