I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
