at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
