Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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