He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
