Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
