I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
