Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
