He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
