Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I want is dick and wine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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