i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
