I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
