Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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