she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
