So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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