Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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